Childhood Games ~ British Bulldogs

I said this could become a series and it's looking like I may be correct.

After the fun I had dredging up my memories of hares and hounds, I've decided to take a good long look at the game of British bulldogs.

Now I don't know what games they play in other parts of the world, and for all I know kids may bash each other round the heads with metal bars and call that fun (thinking on it, don't chavs already do that and call it fun?). But in my experience British bulldogs is the most brutal game in the whole long history of childhood games. If you look at it a certain way it could possibly be as brutal as certain adult sports, like boxing, MMA, real wrestling and BDSM.

As an aside, I have no idea how the name British bulldogs originated and I'm just a bit to lazy to do some proper research on it.

Again this game requires a group of kids to play, the more the bloodier as it were. I suppose you could play it with imaginary friends, but you'd look like a crazed lunatic and might end up getting committed. Again there are two teams, though for this game they are a little bit more unequal, I'll attempt to explain that shortly.

There are different variations of bulldogs, so depending on where you live there'll be some slight differences in play. But the basic game is the same everywhere, run really bloody fast across an open area and try not to get flattened.

So to play the game. First you need a rather large, open playing area, preferably a large field, but anywhere will do as long as it's an empty space. Playing on concrete increases the chances of picking up a serious injury and thus having time off school, a popular choice. Next the teams are chosen, basically it's one kid versus all the rest who want to play. It takes a complex scientific formula to select the lone brat who will be the bulldog, requiring a knowledge of physics and orbital decay (the kid who suggested the game will spin around for a bit with his arm outstretched, when he stops whoever he is pointing at is the unlucky one). The two "teams" then set up in their own areas.

The playing area is divided into three parts - the main action area which is the largest part and where all the brutality occurs, and two safe or home areas at either end of the field. The action area is the bulldogs hunting ground and all the conquests will take place there. The opposing players start in one of the home ends and when it's time they attempt to flee past the bulldog to get to the other end - this is a round.

How us kids imagined a typical round to start!

To start the bulldog stands about midway between the two home ends, and after throwing a few choice insults, selects and opponent to try and get past him.

The bulldog taunting his prey!

For the challenged it's simple - get from one end to the other without being caught. For the bulldog it's a wee bit trickier; he has to either grab hold of his prey for long enough to say the phrase, "British bulldogs 1, 2, 3", or he has to smash the other kid to the ground then say the phrase. The second option usually tends to be the preferred one. If the bulldog catches his prey then they too become a bulldog, and finally the poor child has the chance of some company. Once the challenged child has either been caught or made it across the field safely, all the other kids can then rush out in a yelling, disorganised mob. This is the easiest time of the game to capture opponents; the bulldogs numbers will undoubtedly double at this point of the game.

The second round follows the first in style, except this time the kid who's called out has a larger number of bulldogs to avoid, making it that much harder to survive the round. And trust me, three of four kids piling on top of you isn't conductive to avoiding bruised knees and bloody noses!

The game carries on this way until the last kid standing is declared the winner. Surprisingly it's not often the fastest runner who wins, as the ever increasing hordes of children gang up en masse to bring the swift ones down. Strange how they seem to work in a pack...

As I stated in the hares and hounds post, kids have shitloads of energy and because of this another game is soon begun. The first caught from the last game starts as the bulldog.

A little fact to end this post with. Due to the extreme physical nature of British bulldogs, most schools across England have actually banned the game from being played during break times. Shall we all agree now that teachers are heartless bastards?