Paperclips and duct tape, MacGyver rules all!

1985 was a landmark year for American TV, 1985 was the year MacGyver was first aired. Now you may be asking yourselves just why is that so important? Why should we give two shits about a show that’s been finished for over 20 years? There’s a quite simple answer to those questions; MacGyver is possibly the single greatest TV show of all time (in my own rather weird opinion of course), it’s certainly the pinnacle of all action shows.

What made it so special though? Well despite being an action show, MacGyver emphasised the use of brains over brawn (and the attractiveness of a good mullet hairstyle).

Angus MacGyver, making mullets look cool!

 Rather than Hulking out and just smashing everything and anything with his fists, Mac would take a moment to appraise his situation, take stock of his surroundings and then come up with some ingenious plan, usually involving a paper clip and a roll of duct tape (because with duct tape you can solve any problem imaginable, it is known). It appealed to the geek in me, and I guess it appealed to others as well as it ran for 7 years. In the world of American TV that’s a fucking lifetime! Strangely enough he was also an American action hero who disliked guns, considering that American’s are the biggest gun lovers on the face of the earth and most respectable families over there will have at least 4 guns per household (at least that’s how they’re perceived by the sane world), having an action hero who hates guns is a huge anomaly. Well done the producers for going down that route, you helped prove that us geeky kids could be cool!

So the basic premise of the show is that MacGyver is an agent working for a secret government think tank (a polite way of saying he’s a spy), and because he’s quite the resourceful sort he’s often tasked to carry out the dangerous jobs others aren’t insane enough to take, where he can outwit various thugs and morons. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as seeing a single brain celled life form (thug with a gun), being out-smarted by a man who considers a paperclip to be an acceptable weapon. Basically MacGyver will infiltrate foreign nations, rescue people from all the little Hitler’s of the world and make bombs out of chewing gum (I’d like to see the A-Team do that last one). Usually he’s only ever armed with duct tape and a Swiss Army Knife. To everyone who’s ever been bullied by a dim-witted meathead it’s like a wet dream.

MacGyverisms (or how you too can look like a genius)

Now pay attention people because the following list could be the most important thing you ever read (don’t worry it’s not an extremely long list, so those of you with ADHD may possibly make it to the end). Someday you may be called upon by your country in a time of need, and knowing the following MacGyverisms (and others posted all over the internet) could help save your country, and your life. If nothing else people will look at you like you’re one awesome bastard when you regale them with your knowledge (more likely they’ll look at you like you’re a fucking goon, but hey you can pretend).*

Remember always to carry a Swiss Army Knife and a handy roll of duct tape.

1. If you have to disarm a missile, use a paperclip to short out the timer and the missile will not fire.
2. Whenever someone tells you that chocolate is not good for you, you can instantly prove them wrong by plugging up any nearby acid leaks. **
3. Being stuck without a ready supply of dynamite can be a pain, but if you're smart and resourceful then salt, sugar and weedkiller is an acceptable substitute.
4. If you're ever in a position were you have to flee your enemies in a hot air balloon and someone shoots the balloon, then duct tape your map over the bullet hole and seal the leak (make sure you've remembered a bloody map).
5. If you need to make a quick and easy bomb, then take a bit of fertiliser (nitrate), a bit of plant bark (cellulose), add a dash of acid and you have nitromannite, apparently it's rather sensitive and unstable.
6. Pine cones covered in pine pitch can make great natural grenades, pine sap has some explosive qualities.
7. With just two candlestick holders, a floor mat and an electrical power cord you can make a simple defibrillator. You don't want your friends dying while trying to escape bad guys do you?
8. Remember a paperclip is a handy thing to have, besides disarming missiles they can also be used when you need to pick a lock or hot wire a car.

See I told you all it would be a short list, so everyone with a short attention span should thank me now, if you haven’t already forgotten who I am.

*Don’t actually try any of these, there’s a good chance they won’t really work and the side-effects of attempting them could result in a serious case of death, and you don’t want that it’ll fuck up your whole life.

**This was actually proved to work by the mythbusters, so there you go, love your chocolate. 

So a tiny recap:

1. If you like geeky, innovative heroes, watch this show.
2. If you like mullets, watch this show.
3. If you like plenty of guns and cheesy one liners, watch the A-Team instead.

Thank you, that is all.