Being the observations and expectations of a typical England fan
Well Euro 2012 ended up in a depressingly familiar way for us England fans, we were subjected to another competition exit by the losing of a penalty shoot-out. 7 penalty shoot-outs lost out of 8 we've taken part in. Something tells me that we're shit at taking penalties under pressure.
So what do we do now? Well it's as you were, we move on, we regroup and we prepare ourselves for the next inevitable quarter-final exit.
And this is how things will go:
1. Qualification. Yaaaaaaaaayyy!! We've qualified for another European Championship/World Cup. This time it's gonna be ours. This time football is coming home!
2. Naming the squad. What?? Why?? How the fuck did he get in, he's shit? Why isn't he in the squad, he's been the leagues best player? Every time the England squad is named nearly every one of us turns into a professional manager, 'cause we know best ya know! The current boss doesn't stand a chance.
3. All radio channels overplay every single football and football related song they can think of, just to get us in the mood! Because if we don't listen to John Barnes rapping at least 10 times a day then we're not going to appreciate the tournament we're in.
4. Facebook and other social media sites get spammed with people screaming "believe" at each other. Believe and we can do it, believe and this group of lead-footed players will magically turn into Barcelona overnight, believe and we'll not only win this tournament but bring about world peace and also galactic peace. Belief is all we need ya know!
Gonna have to pause the list here a moment while I vent. If someone says to me "believe" again, I'm gonna burp in their face, preferably after eating garlic all day. If belief was all we needed then we would have qualified and won every competition ever. But it's not and we haven't! Talent and ability win the big shiny things, not a group of pissed up people with Union Jack's tattooed onto every conceivable body part.
Vent over!
5. The pre-tournament friendlies. We scrape to a few 1-0 wins over nations who'd struggle to play in a pub league. But hey a win's a win no matter how well you play, besides the players have to get used to playing with each other. You've gotta beli... *slap*
6. It's time for the opening game, the beer is bought, the crisps and other snacks are ready and waiting. We all strive to sing the national anthem, without knowing a fucking word of it. We play shit and sneak our way to a lucky result, usually a draw. But c'mon, that's the hardest game in the group over with, and they had 12 men to our 11 'cause the ref was clearly on their side. Despite the ref sending off 2 of their players and denying them 20 clear cut penalty claims. We never won so the ref was dodgy!
7. Rinse and repeat point 6, just change the excuses for the performance, "they were the host nation", "they've always been our bogey side". Argue and get upset on Facebook, threaten to delete people because they dare to be critical. Being critical makes them shit fans and not fit to be called English.
8. Somehow qualify from the group, find out that Germany could be faced at some point before reaching the final. Worry.
9. We reach the quarter-finals, even the most pessimistic start to feel a slight touch of excitement. Extra time and penalties are a very real possibility and the tabloid newspapers mention this on the back page every day until the game. And the game is underway, the streets of England are eerily silent, even the chavs have stopped threatening people for a few hours. Well wouldn't you know it, after 2 hours of biting your nails all the way down it's penalties. AGAIN! Which England players will miss and get to star in Pizza Hut adverts for a few years? England lose on penalties! It's the old, old story yet again!
10. Oh well hard luck lads, you played your hearts out and gave your all. Never mind that thanks to the footballing powers that be we were technically inferior to our opposition and didn't actually deserve to be anything more than a team just making up the required numbers for the competition. There is one silver lining, no one is screaming "believe" in each others faces now, well not for another 2 years at least, when we'll go through all this crap again. Oh great fucking joy!
There you have it, one cynical and jaded fans view of England at an international tournament. Maybe next time they'll prove me wrong and football will really come home, but I ain't getting my hopes built up anymore!
This is a just a place where I can mess around and indulge my rusty creative side and generally have a laugh!
Agree with all these points but I will say - considering the start he had I think Roy can hold his head up high this year, and I don't think anyone will think badly of him for coming home after the quarters, especially considering we put up such a good fight against Italy. I think he has the potential to be a well loved manager :)
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, I don't blame Roy or the players at all, well with the exception of not even trying to stop Italy's best player! As I've said to a few people it's the FA who need to take a lot of the blame, they know that an overhaul of English football needs to be done, from grass roots level up, but they keep dragging their feet. Until we do change we'll never win a major tournament. I have nothing but respect for Roy though, he did bloody well with what was given to him, here's hoping he can do us proud :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, we're not investing nearly enough in young players. We could do with A) investment into academies, and B) fucking goal line technology, although that wouldn't have helped us not be shit on penalties :D
ReplyDeleteIt's a pity that the people who are getting paid a shitload of money to run the game can't see such simple common sense!! Lol there's nothing at all we can do about the pens, that's just down to individual mentalities, some can handle the pressure others can't.
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