What the hell, toy dinosaurs, who created this thing??

Once upon a time a chap named Joss Whedon, who'd had a little bit of success with a couple of vampire shows* decided to create a brand new show.

He created a masterpiece! A legend! Firefly was born!

Surely this show would go down as one of the greats, I mean it's a Western set in space, with Chinese curse words, occasional lasers, prostitutes, toy dinosaurs and a man called Jayne. With ingredients like that how could this show not be a winner?

Well the powers that be at the FOX TV network don't have the same wisdom as the common TV watcher and cancelled Firefly after just one season. WHAT A COMPLETE SET OF SHIT SUCKING ARSEHOLES!!! Sorry little blog, I had to vent a bit there.

Anyways, after purchasing the one and only season on DVD and watching it many a time and loaning it out so others can share the goodness, I've decided to write a small review of the pilot episode (which FOX couldn't even show in the right fucking order).

We start off in the middle of a battle (with lasers), with no real idea of what the hell is going on. We only know that we're cheering on the people in the brown coats, because:

A. They're the only ones who speak.
B. They're the ones we can bloody see.
C. Malcolm Reynolds!

It's all a bit chaotic, what with people being shot and all, such is the fortunes of being involved in an inter-galactic shootout I suppose. We're finally shown a scene of pure badassery as Mal proves he doesn't need an army, Mal can bring down enemy fighter craft all on his own. Badass! Unfortunately I can't find a proper clip on youtube showing this great moment :( This battle ends with everyone, barring Mal and his trusty sidekick Zoe, dying in a mass aerial bombardment (even Mal can't take out hundreds of ships on his own). We can now surmise that the nasty Alliance have more than likely won!

Cut to a few years later and our hero is now Captain Malcolm Reynolds of the Firefly class vessel Serenity, his old war buddy Zoe is I guess his first mate now and he has a man called Jayne on his crew. Don't ever mock Jayne's name to his face, that isn't the path of wisdom!

Whilst Mal, Zoe and Jayne are exploring a derelict old ship (stealing everything of value they can find on it), the pilot of their own vessel, a serious and humourless man named Wash, is busy conducting an experiment.

Alas an Alliance ship (those bastards) interrupts Wash's meticulous experiment on prehistoric life and culture.

Using a clever ruse, our hero's escape with their freedom and booty and flee to a place of relative safety. Safety being a very loose term when you consider the criminal types this crew must mingle with.

As they are in need of money (who isn't?) And repairs (dodgy people always need something repairing), the decision is taken to hire themselves out as a luxury cruise liner, I'm just guessing that that's the reason ok? Cue the entrance of Shepherd Book ( a religious man who isn't a nut), and Dr Simon (who is very particular about his belongings). Dr Simon is greeted and drooled over by Kaylee the ships mechanic, lucky, lucky, lucky man (he doesn't even notice her the blind moron!) And a third passenger, who if I remember correctly is a ginger.

Remember also our hero's have looted goods to sell and must deal with a crimelord with a dodgy cockney accent. Here's a piece of advice for all you readers, never deal with a criminal with a dodgy cockney accent! That's my good deed done for the day.

Wow this review is getting kinda long, I may end up with RSI of the fingers...

After a hearty meal and some good old fashioned camaraderie aboard ship (they're back in space now after being blown off by the dodgy cockney type), we are led into a tense scene of gun waving stand-offs and the transportation of frozen sex slaves. Wait, the frozen girl in Dr Simon's belongings is not a sex slave (well that shows me just how wrong first impressions can be), she's actually his sister (and haven't we all heard that excuse before). The situation is resolved when the ginger passenger turns into Pat Garrett and the preacher is revealed to be the reincarnation of Mohammed Ali. There will be blood for the squeamish among you.

We are now approaching the end of the quest to dispose of the rescued loot. Thank God for that as they can escape the possibility of being raped to death by a gang of cannibalistic space pirates, or being arrested by over-zealous men in grey.

There is another shootout, this is a Western remember, this time Jayne provides the badass moment (I'm guessing someone mocked his name). Mal though isn't about to be outdone by a man with a feminine name and provides us with this ice cold killer scene!

It's hard being a ginger in space. To tell the truth I'm not really sure if Ginger Pat Garrett really is a ginger, but that's how he's stuck in my mind so that's how he'll remain.

We end this review with a heart-warming of Mal welcoming Dr Simon to the crew and promising everlasting friendship.

And there we go, that's the end. For everyone who fell asleep while reading ... WAKE UP!!

I'm gonna go and do something productive now and make a pot noodle.

*Vampire shows being Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.